Welcome to the first of (I hope) many blogs like this. If you haven't read my blogs before, here’s a little introduction; my names Beth I live with my husband Dan and our dog Miller. Our first born son, Clay, died shortly after birth in July 2020 due to an injury during delivery. He weighed a gloriously chubby 9lbs 4, had the biggest hands and feet I've ever seen on a baby, he had his dads chin and my lips. You can find more of my blogs in the “life after Clay” section on the blog page.
I've decided to split this blog into two parts, the first discussing blogs, books & podcasts that I have found helpful in the past year and the second being Instagram pages and shops. I have noted in the title of this blog 'neonatal death', this is not to say that these things won't be relevant if you have experienced a different kind of baby loss but I plan on writing the type of baby loss in each baby loss hub blog so that you can find information that may be more appropriate for the type of baby loss(s) you have experienced. Of course we are all different and find different things useful so not everything I discuss might be helpful for you. All links are in bold and underlined.
Blogs;
Feathering the empty nest - I don't think I can ever express into words how much Elle's blogs and book (see below) helped me in the very early days of grief. A friend told me about Elle's Instagram and book a few days after Clay died. I instantly found her blog and read pretty much every one within a week, it is exactly what I needed, without even knowing I needed it. It gave me the validation I craved. Tears flowed down my face at the heartbreak Elle must have felt and continues to feel over the death of her son, Teddy. But the tears also flowed because for the first time I didn't feel alone. Elle writes so eloquently and I can relate to a lot of her words, but what Elle also did in those early days was give me hope. Hope that as horrendously shit as this all is there will be brighter days.
Life, Loss & Lipgloss - I found Hannah's blog and Instagram page about 3-4 months after Clay died. Hannah's blogs are raw, real and sprinkled with humour (I know that sounds an odd thing when talking about baby loss blogs but trust me humour is never a bad thing!). Whenever I read one of Hannah's blogs I often find myself feeling like I'm reading the words of a friend.
After Evalyn - I found Lyndsey's blog through her Instagram page. Lyndsey has such a beautiful way with words and I am so thankful for her writing, it truly has given me so much comfort. Out of all the blogs I have read of Lyndsey the one that always seems to come to the forefront of my mind is The Things I Wish My Husband Had Known, its a beautiful, heart breaking blog that brought tears to my eyes. One of the hardest things I find with grief is watching Dan not being able to be a dad to Clay, it breaks my heart every single time I think about it and all the words in Lyndsey's blog ring true.
Motherhood and Me - I couldn't talk about blogs without mentioning my amazing friend Han's blog all about life after the loss of her daughter, Cora. I met Han through baby loss after our babies died within a few days of one another and only about 15 miles apart. Han writes so beautifully and has a unique way of being able to find the words for the thoughts and feelings that I struggle to find when writing my own blogs.
Books;
Ask Me His Name by Elle Wright - Whenever I get a message from somebody who has heartbreakingly lost their baby, one of the first things I do is recommend this book. I'm sure most (if not all) people in the baby loss world know of or have read this book. I've read it twice, its the only book I have ever read again. The way Elle writes this book covers so many of the emotions, thoughts and feelings and I truly think its one to read whether you have lost a baby or not, it gives a true insight into what our motherhood is like.
It's Ok That You're Not Ok by Megan Devine - This book isn't about baby loss in particular. It's more about out of order deaths (basically any death that isn't your grandparents passing away in there sleep at 90+ in my head!). However so much of what Megan writes is so empowering and validating to read. It covers so many of those crazy thoughts you have which you feel too scared to say out loud. Its quite a heavy read so for me it wasn't one to read from front to back in 3 days like I read most other books, but its laid out in a way where you can dip in and out of it when needed. I'd highly recommend this to anybody that has experienced 'out of order' death.
Podcasts;
The Worst Girl Gang Ever - This podcast talks about all different types of baby loss with guests on most episodes. I really think there is something for everybody in this podcast and I've listened to quite a few, I would also recommend following them on Instagram
Shagged. Married. Annoyed - I know this one seems a bit odd with everything else I've put in this blog and this one has nothing to do with baby loss at all (although a few episodes do have talk of babies/pregnancy just for your information) but I cannot recommend this podcast enough. A huge part of grieving is finding things that give you a little bit of respite from the pain, this podcast did exactly that for me. I have listened (and belly laughed) to every single episode and is one of my go-to's on a walk when I want to just zone out for an hour and have a good giggle.
